Teeth

When I dialed up Teeth I was sure I’d be getting into some low budget feminist blood fest or something. However I was pleasantly surprised with it’s thoughtfulness and clear story telling. If you haven’t heard, Teeth is a film about a woman who has teeth in her vagina. The tag line of the film says ‘The most alarming cautionary tale for men since fatal attraction.’ which leads you to believe my first impression of what the film would be like. Let me break it down for you. Our heroine is Dawn, a teenage purity priestess, who goes from school to school with a band of Christian soldiers preaching purity to teens and encouraging them to wear purity rings. Completely unexpected, but ok let’s see where this goes. She’s a perfectly happy teen until she meets a new student Toby, whom she is instantly attracted to. Dawn and Toby become friends and go on group dates so they can spend time together. They always make sure that they are with other people so nothing inappropriate happens between them. Dawn begins to have erotic dreams about Toby, and the feeling is mutual. This becomes too much for our girl Dawn and she decides that seeing him even in a group setting is too much for her vows. However, nature takes over and she breaks down one night and calls him to meet her in the woods for a swim. Naturally you know they’re about to be up to no good. They swim, and it begins to rain; so they go to a nearby ‘make out’ cave to wait out the rain. There is a blanket stored there for whomever happens by and they cuddle and kiss, however Toby wants to take it farther. Dawn says no, but Toby is ready for action. Dawn fights and screams and Toby overpowers her to get what he wants. Big mistake on his part as the teeth take over and rescue our girl Dawn from her fate, leaving Toby a bloody screaming mess. He tries to swim away but looses too much blood and is lost in the river.

Dawn of course is freaked out by not only the attack but the disappearance of Toby and tries her best to go on with business as usual. Back at home Dawn has a whole other set of problems. When she was little her father remarried a woman who had a son Brad. This kid is a deeply disturbed heavy metal loving misogynist who lives to torment everyone he comes in contact with. The most fascinating fact about Brad is that when he has sex with a woman, it’s never vaginally. Curious why? Terrible Toby’s memberless body is discovered and investigations ensue. Dawn tries to find out what is wrong with her by doing research on her ‘condition’. Unfortunately she can only find women like herself in mythology. She decides to see a gynecologist to confirm her fears. When in the stirrups being probed she becomes tense and ends up ‘chewing’ off all the doctors digits accidentally. In a freaked out frenzy she runs into the arms of her sometimes stalker Ryan for comfort, only to be seduced by him. However she kind of likes the guy so she willingly has sex with him and nothing awful happens to his junk. To me this makes the whole movie stick. If she’s participating willingly the teeth don’t bite down. However things take a turn when the next day while they are having sex he answers the phone to talk to a homie. He then tells her while mid stroke that he had a bet with the homie that he could get her into bed. Guess what happens next? Crazy, thrilling, sick, and cool.